Loving Your Wife Like Christ Loved the Church

This one is a bit longer than my typical blog but please don't let that keep you from reading this. It's worth the effort.

A Real Look at Godly Marriage for Imperfect Men

There is a command in Scripture that hits every married man right between the eyes.

Ephesians 5 verse 25.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

Every time I read that, the weight of it sits heavy on my chest. Christ loved the church with a love that bled, a love that sacrificed, a love that stayed when it hurt. A love that didn’t wait for perfect behavior or perfect attitudes before He gave Himself fully.

That is the standard God sets for husbands.

Not comfort.

Not convenience.

Not “when I feel like it.”

A Christlike, sacrificial, steady, stubborn kind of love.

And I’ll be honest. I haven’t always loved my wife that way.

Where We Start Isn’t Where We Stay

I came into marriage with no blueprint at all. My parents were each married five times. Five. If you want a crash course in what not to do, that was my childhood.

Bobbie came from the opposite. Her parents have been married for decades, still flirting, still joking, still steady. One house had chaos and instability. The other had legacy and faithfulness.

Two worlds.

One marriage.

A whole lot of learning ahead.

But here’s what I’ve learned over 33 years with Bobbie

People change. A lot.

And thank God for that.

She is grateful I’m not the kid I was when we got married. I’m grateful she evolved and grew too. God doesn’t let us stay who we were. He grows us through seasons, struggles, victories, failures, and sometimes through the messiest conversations you can imagine.

Marriage is not two perfect people.

Marriage is two changing people choosing each other again and again while Christ shapes them.

Sacrificial Love Isn’t Romantic… It’s Holy

Some days loving sacrificially feels beautiful.

Some days it feels like someone handed you a cross and said “Carry it with a smile.”

I’ve had seasons where Bobbie gave one hundred percent while I had one percent to offer. During my cancer battles, she carried us. I mean carried us. Later in life, I carried more when she needed to heal and breathe.

That’s marriage.

Not fifty fifty.

One hundred one hundred… even when your one hundred looks very different from hers.

Sacrificial love is rarely glamorous.

Sometimes it hurts.

Sometimes you don’t feel appreciated.

Sometimes you feel like you’re giving way more than you’re getting back.

But that’s when love becomes most Christlike.

Christ didn’t love the church because it was easy.

He loved because it was His mission.

Our marriages deserve the same kind of devotion.

Winning the Heart, Not the Fight

Let me tell you something I’m still learning at 56char

Almost every argument starts with pride.

Pride in my tone.

Pride in my reactions.

Pride in wanting to prove a point instead of pursue peace.

I’ve caught myself asking Bobbie questions just to prove her wrong. Not my best moments. And usually God sends a brother to say “Hey man… what are you doing”

Winning the argument is easy.

Winning her heart requires humility.

Today, when conflict rises, I try to ask myself

What does our marriage need right now

Do I want connection or do I want control

Is this about truth or is this about my ego

Most of the time, it’s the ego.

James 1 verses 19 to 20 holds me accountable

Quick to listen.

Slow to speak.

Slow to anger.

That verse alone can save a marriage if we actually live it.

Becoming the Man She Needs Starts Before Marriage

Something I wish every single or young man knew

You don’t become a godly husband on your wedding day.

You become a godly husband by first becoming a godly man.

If you can’t lead yourself

You won’t be able to lead a marriage.

Discipline matters now.

Self denial matters now.

Character matters now.

Prayer matters now.

Serving matters now.

Marriage doesn’t magically fix a lack of spiritual maturity. It magnifies it.

So if you’re waiting for a wife, don’t waste the waiting.

Become the kind of man a godly woman can trust with her heart.

Christ at the Center Changes Everything

If I’ve learned anything in 33 years of marriage, cancer battles, spiritual highs and lows, and seasons where I failed more than I succeeded, it’s this…

Christ at the center changes everything.

He softens my pride.

He strengthens my patience.

He expands my capacity to love.

He reminds me that my marriage is a ministry, not a contract.

When I love Bobbie well, I’m honoring Him.

When I love her sacrificially, I’m reflecting Him.

When I forgive, I’m obeying Him.

When I pursue her heart, I’m walking like Him.

Loving your wife like Christ loved the church will stretch you, humble you, break you, and rebuild you. But it will also grow you into the man God created you to be.

Brothers, love your wives boldly.

Serve them joyfully.

Lead with humility.

Listen deeply.

Pray constantly.

Stay faithful every single day, even when it’s hard.

You won’t do it perfectly.

I sure haven’t.

But God does His best work with imperfect men who keep showing up.

If you want community, accountability, and men who walk this out together, you’re always welcome at BrotherhoodForged.com.

You’re not alone in this.

Not for one second.

Thanks for reading it all, I'm Joey, aka The Resilient Disciple